Desire
Pairing: Robert/Simon
Summary: A long awaited desire.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Cure or any members (sadly) Everything described in this story is fictional.
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The beginning of another short tour was filled with mixed feelings. We were beginning to forget what it felt like to sleep normally, in a house, in our own beds. More often than not, we slept in the van or borrowed floor space in someones flat that we had just met. This time around wasn’t any different.
It was a cold November, chillier than I had ever felt before but I imagined that sleeping in an old van wasn’t helping our situation. We had managed to do the first couple of shows without a problem and by the time we were in London we were tired of sleeping together in the van, and by together- I mean with Lol.Simon always complained about his snoring while it was his gas problem that affected me.
Every night was the same and tonight was no exception. Lol had decided to meet with some of the people from the show, leaving Simon and myself to enjoy a night to ourselves at the nearest pub.
“Now if only they would let him stay the night and for once we’ll have a quiet night.” Simon snickered before inhaling half of his pint.
Lol was a snorer and it was one of the many problems we had to endure while being on tour. Our number one was our old rickety van. It served it’s purpose as well as it could but it wasn’t the best at keeping us warm during the colder months. Lol usually slept in the back row, having all the room to himself while Simon and I had to share a blanket and attempt to keep each other warm. We sat together at a table in the back of the pub, keeping to ourselves. Simon enjoyed watching everyone around us and kept commenting about how cold it was going to be that night. The more Simon drinks, the more talkative he becomes and the less I have to say. Usually I would just listen and analyze him. Like tonight, he wore his black sleeveless shirt that he had been wearing practically non stop this past year, but there wasn’t much that I could say as I didn’t keep much clothing on tours. His hair was tousled slightly, due to the wind and smudge black liner surrounded his brown eyes. He was getting that drunken glaze in his eyes and the small smirk at the corner of his lips generally told me that he was feeling playful. Then came the conversation of how horny he was and how he couldn’t wait to return home. This conversation always made my stomach do flips. I wasn’t sure exactly why but I would suddenly become very embarrassed. “This is normal conversation between men, right?” I would ask myself but I would always wonder why I would feel so funny when the topic arose. He went on about how long it had been and I began to zone out. Not because of lack of interest in what he was talking about but I didn’t want to put all my focus in his story and make myself feel awkward. I could still remember the last time it had happened. It was a several months ago and two of the dates we were due to play had been cancelled, purely on the fact that we were burnt out and needed to rest. It wasn’t such a bad thing as the dates hadn’t sold well to begin with. We were staying at a girls house that we had met the previous year. She was mousy, young, naive and fancied Simon and Simon liked to use that to his advantage. I’m sure if it weren’t for that we probably wouldn’t have had a place to stay. She was cooking, Lol in the kitchen with her, trying to chat her up. Despite his efforts, he was going nowhere rather quickly but it wasn’t like Lol to give up easily. Everyone else was in the living area watching the tele while Simon and I laid side by side on the plush carpet of the room she gladly offered us to stay in. I kept running my fingers between the fibers of carpet, enjoying the way it tickled. Simon was rambling about Carol and how she had been upset before we left. She thought that his music was just a hobby and not a career choice and how she had been greatly upset when he quit his job at the factory. Simon then began to talk about how he hadn’t had sex in months and how it was becoming harder to even masturbate being on tour. That was when my attention had been grasped. I looked at him sort of dumbfounded. Sure we had talked about this sort of stuff casually before, I wasn’t shy about my own sexual perversions but it hit me at that moment what we were talking about and more to the point, it was Simon. I had never felt this sort of flush go throughout my body as I had then. My body felt very confused. He looked at me with amusement. “Did I say something wrong?” He asked with a small chuckle as he spoke. I shook my head in earnest, trying to rid myself from the conversation but it didn’t work, he continued to pry me. “We always talk like this, why do you look so..Pinky?” He suddenly propped himself onto his elbows and had a sly grin on his face. Now I wish I had ignored him like I usually did. Come to think about it, whenever Simon would talk about sex with Carol, I generally ignored it. Carol was a nice girl and everything but I didn’t care too much about hearing their sex life. This was the first time he had brought up masturbation and for some reason my body reacted on that. “I’m..I’m not pinky.” The tone in my voice rose and cracked. My stomach dropped realizing how ridiculous I sounded and how pathetic I was at trying to defend myself. Simon’s chest bolted forward as he let out a thunderous laugh, now sitting upright and trying hard to stop his laughter. “I’m sorry Robert.” He said, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes with the back of his hand. Leaving traces of black marks along his hand and down to his wrist. He suddenly leaned over me, as I was still laying on my back, with a serious look on his face. My stomach lurched back up as he was getting closer to my face. “Did I make you uncomfortable when I brought up masturbating?” I remember looking at his mouth as he spoke. The way his lip seemed to gleam and his voice as he spoke. He wasn’t nervous, he was actually very confident in himself. A flicker of a thought entered my brain just as quickly as it had left and it made me question everything I had ever known. I wanted to kiss him. Just move your head forward and kiss his lips. But my better judgment told me no and I closed my eyes tightly to rid the image of his lips so close to my face. Simon pulled away without another word and laid back down beside me. “I’m sorry if I made you feel funny Robert. Just playing around.” And that was it. Never to be spoken about again but since then, I couldn’t rid my thoughts. First it was about his lips and then the dreams and one thing led to another and I couldn’t see him as just a friend anymore. He was someone I desired. Ever since he talked about masturbating while on tour, I would stay up late, sitting beside him, listening carefully, wondering if he would do it that night but it would never happen and I would eventually fall asleep feeling let down. “Robert? Are you there?” A jab to my shoulder woken me back to the present and the thoughts of the past washed away. “Yeah, sorry.” I muttered softly. His head tilted to the left, looking at me with a goofy grin on his face. “I don’t believe you but I’ll lettit slide.” he stammered. There was one option that I had played out in my head for the past month and each time I thought about hatching it out, I couldn’t find the will. My hand began to shake at the mere thought. I clutched my glass and downed the dark amber liquid, a last hope for courage. Simon wiped the access liquid from his lips and wiped his hand on his jean clad thigh, all the while watching a brunette walk into the pub. Did I see his eyes widen? My heart ached and I was nervous- maybe I was just seeing things. Could I go through with this plan? My gut told me no but something inside me ignored my initial feelings and went head first into the unknown. My empty glass made a large thud against the wood table; Simon’s eyes darted away from the brunette and over to the source of the sound. His eyes then led from the glass to me and arched his brow in question. “Sorry.” I replied with a large smile. Simon responded with a smile of his own. Now that I had his attention, my mind froze. My eyes darted to my fingers, nerves began to build and I couldn’t help but lick the bottom of my course lip and nibble at the corner of it,attempting to remove some skin, still feeling unsure what to do but at the corner of my eye I could tell that Simon was transfixed with my mouth. Warmth filled my body and I could feel the tip of my ears begin to burn. Slowly I lifted my eyes to meet his and his body jolted back in surprise and then began his stammering. It instantly brought a smile to my face. “Something wrong Simon?” He shook his head and licked his lips feverishly. “No, no. I’m…I’m fi-fine.” He downed the rest of his beer and quickly stood up. “You want some more?” I nodded, looking forward to what may come next. I watched him walk over to the bar, empty glasses in hand, enjoying the way his tight trousers looked on his thin but muscular legs. This was the first time that I had allowed myself to look at him in this light, without any regrets. No, there wouldn’t be any regrets tonight, another beer in my belly and I would finally do something about this growing pain in my chest. He flashed a smile in my direction as he made his way back to the table. Two glasses within his hands, liquid sloshing, threatening to escape their confines. Placing the glasses down before me, he moved his chair closer to mine and promptly sat down, his leg brushing lightly against mine. His eyes glanced up quickly at my face to see if I had noticed and sheepishly looked away when our eyes met. Light shades of red began to rise in his cheeks as he drank from his glass. The bar was busy, noisy but there we were, the only ones silent. Words were escaping my grasp and I was left feeling helpless. Suddenly I placed my hand on his thigh and I could feel myself become increasingly nervous, surprised over my own actions.Simon didn’t look in my direction and continued to scan the room, glass glued between his lips. Biting my lower lip, I leaned closer to him, my hand sliding down to his knee and that was when he swiftly turned his head and gave me the most confused expression on his face. I smiled, eyes beginning to droop a bit, feeling a mixture of the alcohol and the sleepiness taking their effect. “Robert.” he muttered softly, his eyes blinking repetitively and wouldn’t dare look me in the eyes. His beautiful eyelashes, long and black, patting themselves against his light skin, highlighted with strokes of pink. His lips turned upright into a smile and I could feel my heart fluttering away, pounding hard against my chest in an anxious rhythm. His tongue slid along his trembling lips and took a sharp breath. Almond eyes turned to me but darted away quickly. Nibbling at the corner of my lip I began to panic, not knowing what to do next. Then warmth on my hand and I realized it was Simon’s. His bottom lip was sucked into his mouth and I could see his eyes glancing at me with hesitation, then he finally looked up at me. His shy behavior was making me want him more. His fingers began to lightly caress and tickle my hand. Goosebumps began to rise on my flesh and he snickered softly. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his touch, not wanting to move an inch in case it would all just disappear. Up my arm, his fingers dancing along my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps as he went. Stopping at my shoulder, his eyes made contact with my own and I mindlessly licked my lips. He smiled drunkenly, eyes twinkling, glazed over from the alcohol. A brunette woman walked past, I was sure it was the same woman who had enticed Simon earlier and it wouldn’t be the last time as his eyes followed her once more. She glanced back as she past, throwing him a seductive look but surprisingly he ignored her advances and returned his look to me. The look of shock must have shown itself on my face as he reacted towards it with a shrug and let his hand drop from my skin then clenched his glass and took a long gulp. “Pretty girl like that, and you’re not going to even attempt?” He chuckled slightly and shook his head. “Not any more. I’m not into that, not like I used to.” My heart throbbed. What did he exactly mean by that? Was he no longer interested in sleeping around? My hand slid from his thigh and rested itself on the table. I brought myself closer to Simon, my leg pressed against his. He was quick to notice, eyes darting down at my leg and back up to me. Slowly, I lick my lips and focused my eyes just behind him, watching the brunette glancing every so often to the back of Simon’s head. She sat at the bar, short black dress and completely alone. I wanted to try and entice Simon before she got enough courage to come over and attempt to chat him up. “Isn’t it kind of hot in here?” I questioned, not really expecting for a reply. Returning my focus onto Simon, I noticed that he was staring at me and suddenly he realized that I was now looking at him, his face went red and turned quickly in the other direction. Smiling, I drank my beer and found myself looking him over. He wasn’t pale, not like myself but he had a light tan. Black, leather, zippers and buttons gleaming across his chest, his bare arms resting themselves against the table, eyes scanning the room. My hand reached out and gripped his chin firmly and turned his head slowly towards mine. A pink hue still caressed his light cheeks and there was a hint of a smile across his lips. My thumb began to caress his cheek and his eyes shot up to mine. A beautiful hazel, shining brightly. Unexpectedly, he bit down on his lip and stifled a moan as he shifted in his chair. My eyes narrowed and searched his face with curiosity. Then a thought and I looked at him with amusement to which he sheepishly smiled. Glancing down, the table covered what I assumed would be a growing mound in his trousers. Looking back up at him, I noticed the brunette woman standing beside us, her white teeth gleaming with an over exaggerated smile strewn across her face. She uttered a hello and Simon responded with a smile. She continued, attempting to strike a conversation and their words became silent as my interest quickly faded. My hand retracted, falling into my lap. I looked down at my untouched beer and reluctantly lifted it to my lips, wanting to look at Simon but unable to. The liquid cascaded down my throat and I planted the glass back down onto the wooden table. They continued to converse and I decided it would be a goof idea for another drink. Standing, Simon looked up at me but I ignored him and made my way back to the bar and hoped Simon would give the hint he wasn’t interested, that is, if he had actually meant what he had said earlier. Walking back, the woman still stood beside Simon, her right hip popped out, hand propped against it. Her red lips moving, Simon was shaking his head and stood just as I approached them. Sipping my beer, my eyes went from one to the other wondering what they were talking about to make Simon stand abruptly. Her body shook as she laughed, making her chest move in ways that no one could avoid a glance. Turning to me, she smiled. “There is no way.” she looked back at Simon and laughed again. Simon snatched the glass from my hand, took a quick swig and slammed it onto the table. I stared at him wondering where he was going with this and why he thought it would be okay to steal my beer. His hands grabbed hold of the front of my shirt, pulling me towards to his body, our chests pressed together and his face rushing into mine and for a split second he looked into my eyes just before crashing his lips against mine. There was a moment where everything froze and it felt as though my heart had stopped in my chest and everything around us went silent and it was only us. My eyes bugged out of their sockets and I couldn’t breath, I had forgotten how. His hands fell from my shirt and pressed themselves against the back of my head, pushing me further into the kiss. His tongue slipped between my parted lips. Hot and delectable, he tasted of cigarets and bitter beer. It was exactly what I had imagined but better. Our tongues swirled against each other in a pleasurable rhythm. Air forced itself from my lungs and through my nostrils. Then all of the air exited my lungs and the moment he peeled his lips from my, my lungs ached and I inhaled as much air as I could. We looked at each other, almost stunned, and putting together exactly what had just occurred. The brunette stood there in silence, looking at us, probably as surprised as I was. “Fine. I get it.” she huffed and walked away, black heels clicking against the wood floor. I watched her briefly as she walked away but returned my gaze back to Simon who was now downing the rest of my beer. We looked at each other for a moment with straight faces. I wondered if the next thing out of his lips was to forget this had ever happened but a smile broke and he began laughing and in suit, I laughed right along with him. We sat back down, laughter trailing, fading in and out as we tried to stop but failing to do so. Almond eyes suddenly turned to me. One final laugh rolled out and he now smiled at me and I began to feel my cheeks burning, unsure of what he was doing or what he would do next. Long, thin fingers adorned with tiny red cuts slid against the wood grain and Simon lifted himself onto his feet and slid his hands into the pockets of his black trousers. At the corner of my eye, I could see his thin legs and as much as I wanted to turn to look, I couldn’t. “I’m going to the van.” Simon spoke softly. I nodded a reply. He hesitated, then slowly turned and walked through the now desolate bar. How quickly things could change. We shared a kiss, laughed and now we were back to the silence. Perhaps he regretted kissing me. Did I give to much? Could he tell in that short kiss? Did all of my emotions and thought flow through my lips? I chuckled at how ridiculous my thoughts were becoming. Of course not. How could he know. I mulled over what had happened. Over thinking was the culprit. If I had just stuck to my instincts, not think or worry about what may happen- that would have been impossible. He is my best mate and someone I really truly care for. Over thinking was natural, I didn’t want to make things complicated. Why did I have to fall for him. I had finally gotten my long awaited kiss and it was everything I had hopped for except one element. It was so he could get rid of a girl. Or was it? Another half hour past and several drinks later, I was stumbling my way down the street till I reached our old van. As quietly as I could, I climbed in beside Simon and was pleasantly surprised to find that Lol was absent. Which meant he was either passed out somewhere or murdered but I was too exhausted to care which of the two it was. For a short moment I contemplated sitting in the back with the equipment, Lol’s usual sleeping spot, but I knew it wouldn’t be as warm and as comfortable as laying beside Simon. Hopefully, with the way things had played out tonight, he wouldn’t mind. My body relaxed in the warm blankets, covering as much as I could and trying my hardest not to brush against Simon. Things were awkward enough. Warmth spread throughout my body, a very unconscious Simon at my side and with a fair amount of alcohol in my blood, it didn’t take long for my eyes to force themselves shut. My mind was in a whirlwind of what may happen the next day, I was certain that it would be a while before Simon would act normal around me but as long as we remained friends was all that mattered to me. There wasn’t much contemplation as sleep took me over and dreams began to parade in my mind. My breathing was harsh and rapid as I tried to run through the vacant streets, running away from the crazy man and his bowler hats. It didn’t matter how much I ran, I could never seem to catch my breath. It only seemed to get worse, panting, gasping for air ad suddenly, everything was gone. I wasn’t panting, but someone near me was. Everything was black and I slowly began to realize that I wasn’t dreaming any more. I was still asleep but I could hear everything around me. The van, I was still inside the van and I was sleeping beside Simon.. My inner senses awakened and I forced myself awake. Sharp inhales, a muffled moan. I tried my best to stay as discreet as possible. Slowly I opened my left eye, only allowing a sliver open. I looked in Simons direction, his back facing towards me, making it hard for me to see what he was up to. Although with the sounds he was making, it wasn’t hard to assume what he was doing. I bit my lip and opened both of my eyes. Simons head tilted back slightly, his breathing was heavy and it seemed as though he was trying to control his breathing; holding in his breath and then letting out a long, anguished, exhale. I took the chance and moved closer, so I could see better but Simon abruptly stopped. Quickly, I closed my eyes and I could feel his eyes on my body. More movement and I tried my best to pretend to sleep. He finally stopped adjusting and his breathing began to escalate once more. Cracking my eyes once again, I quickly discovered that he was now facing me. His back was pressed against the window, blankets completely gone from his body and the hem of his trousers were now resting at his thighs. His eyes were shut tightly, forming ripples in his skin. The street light from outside illuminated his face, creating an angelic glow against his skin. His shirt was pulled above his stomach, a faint trail of hair ran down it, swirling around his navel before creating a forest further bellow and further bellow made my eyes widen. There it was in all of its glory, in his grasp, was his very erected cock. My eyes were transfixed at his size and it only made my own throb and come to life. Simon gasped and tried to silence himself but quickly gave up and let out a low groan. A chill ran throughout my body, watching him, I was surprised that after a year, tonight would be the night. “Ro..Roh..” He sighed under his breath and I couldn’t help but hold my breath. Did he? Was he mutter my name? A grunt and his eyes squeezed shut. Fuck, and other curse words fell from his lips. Simon’s head rolled back and forth against the window, his hips bucking forward and I couldn’t contain myself any longer. “Simon.” my voice cracked. His eyes opened slowly as he bit into his bottom lip. Without a word, he beckoned me over to him and took hold of my shaking hand. He wrapped my fingers around his shaft and help glide it along its entirety. After a year of playing it in my head, daydreams and endless nights of desired filled fantasies, this wasn’t exactly how I imagined it to go but I wasn’t the least let down. He stiffed a moan as I quickened and my courage slowly began to grow. His hand fell from mine, allowing me to take full control. His back arched when I tightened my grip and felt the heat seep into my skin. His lips suddenly pressed against my lips and I couldn’t wrap my mind over what was happening. He began to pull away but I wasn’t ready to let him go. I pressed my lips back into his and invaded his mouth with my tongue. The taste of Simon filled my mouth and the sensation began to make its way down my body. My legs were now on either side of his body, my own erection pressing against my trousers, begging for someone to give it attention. He peeled his lips away from mine for a short minute to take in a sharp breath. He tried to speak but I wouldn’t allow him. I was eager to explore and taste this man I had fantasized about and I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of it. His words were muffled away and easily forgotten as he soon gave up. Our tongues slid against each other in a hunger. His gasps against my lips were signs that he was coming close. He pulled away once more and slammed his head against the glass, his chest heavy as he gasped for air. Glancing down at me, I could see the desperation etched into his face and I was ready to give him what he needed. It felt like hours, but it had only been a couple a minutes before his eyes were clenched shut and his white juices spilled from his head, cascading down my hand and onto the pit of his stomach. His breaths were heavy and rapid as his body began to slump forward. I rummaged around the floor of the van for any sort of cloth that could clean up this mess and was lucky enough to find what looked like a shirt. A quick look at it and I knew it wasn’t Simon’s or mine and eagerly used it to wipe my hand off. Simon took the shirt from me and cleaned himself up before tossing it onto the back seat. He gave me a cheeky grin as he pulled his trousers up and secured belt. His hand gripped my arm and pulled me over to him, his back still pressed against the side of the van. He pulled me between his legs and wrapped his arms around my chest as my back laid against his chest. He sighed deeply and rested his head against mine.He exhaled and whispered into my ear,”This is exactly what I wanted.”
